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Bruce L's avatar

I’ve heard it said that “a resentment (at someone) is like taking poison and expecting the other person to die” , meanwhile as they go merrily on their way completely oblivious to the negative energy that YOU are suffering

Some good things to ponder 💭 in this piece 🤔😎

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kingflum's avatar

Fantastic analogy!

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Bruce L's avatar

Also, good to think about in temporary situations like road rage. Someone cuts you off possibly oblivious to the fact that they have and you are about to ready to implode/explode boiling with rage sitting im all that negative energy while the other driver once again, on their merry way, not suffering at all.... who loses?

Only we are responsible for our own feelings. No one can “make”

you feel anything, at least emotionally.

Also feelings are not facts 😑

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kingflum's avatar

Feelings are facts in the moment, but to you alone

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The Journe Identity's avatar

The better the group, the lesser the jealousy. Frankly, I don’t see it in my tight circle. Sadly, big jelly thrives on IG. Great topic!

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kingflum's avatar

That’s pretty much WHY it’s a tight circle, imho. Same thing I observe too.

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TheFamilysTime's avatar

Envy, jealousy, competitive, inspired. These four can easily have their lines blurred where competitive nature is no longer heathy competition. What can be inspiring can also slip into resentment. How human to know these emotions. I find the gratitude I have, especially for the littler things the less I notice envy and its companions in my life. The more I ask question like “ what did they sacrifice, what price did they pay? Would i willingly pay that price”. Helps to shift the paradigm. People want the end result, that is object of their envy, but they never seem to envy or think about the journey, the price, the cost the person they envy paid. I also try to see how someone or something can inspire me. Don’t envy the watch or the success. Let it motivate to do the work to buy the watch to make the sacrifices to have the success.

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kingflum's avatar

Couldn’t have said it better myself. The more I look into it, the more gratitude emerges as a simple solution- I keep trying to find more because it seems so easy… but it isn’t simple, nor easy when you try it. As you said, when you consider the “cost” is much more than the price, it all makes sense.

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TheFamilysTime's avatar

I’m reminded of something Naval Ravikant said “If you can’t be happy with a cup of coffee, you will never be happy on a yacht”. We can forget at times to be grateful and smile for things that seem mundane and simple. Like running water, in a tap, that’s clean and on demand. Pause and think on that. How new that clean running water alone is in human history. I can be envious of my clients success or grateful they chose my company and that they are my clients. Have an awesome day Kingflum

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kingflum's avatar

Love Naval 🥹

Appreciate you man, have a great one too 🥂👊

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Zhenya's avatar

Great job 👏🏼 Although I had to translate some words :)

In Russian we say you have white envy and black envy. And if black envy is connected with resentment and is very destructive, white envy can motivate for positive changes and growth. Big topic in our culture and literature, because soul is the main subject.

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kingflum's avatar

That makes sense, and a good distinction at a high level 😃

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Zhenya's avatar

Well you did explain this difference in other post :)

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Thad's avatar

Always seem to be timely for me...good updates!

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kingflum's avatar

👊

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pete mcconvill's avatar

late read and comment but its a slow weekend and Im catching up.

Its interesting to put this whole debate alongside emerging research emphasising the importance of luck in success. Perhaps envy (taken too far) is really just a dysfunctional response to the entirely correct belief that "there but by the grace of god go I" (yes, Ive inverted the usual meaning of that phrase).

However, perhaps a touch of ressentiment is often warranted and perhaps acts as a useful palative in the face of differences that can never be overcome.

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kingflum's avatar

Thanks for taking the time!

Sure, you may be right as it refers to 'symptomatic relief' - but can become a vicious downward spiral if left unchecked. Root cause analysis and rectification probably a better option

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pete mcconvill's avatar

So how does one rectify the root cause that my surname isn't Arnault?

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kingflum's avatar

Reframing, and gratitude is my go-to combination. Everyone's going to find different things which work for them - most of which resides in the 'self-help mumbo-jumbo' section of the library... but I've found some of it helpful.

As a starting point, an interesting place to begin a thought experiment is to opine on the phrase 'money doesn't buy happiness' - I've done this a few times on SDC too. Why is that true, or untrue? If one argues, for instance, that lack of a particular watch brings 'unhappiness' (indirectly, you could say this because your surname is not Arnault) - what would happen if 'watches' were suddenly off the face of the earth? Maybe a daft example, but the point is: happiness is always going to be internal - and once it is externalised, alarm bells must go off... With this premise, the discussion can expand in whatever direction makes sense - but to me, this begins to answer the question you pose.

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pete mcconvill's avatar

To be clear I dont entirely disagree with you - wallowing in envy and resentment is never healthy so going overboard on the ressentiment is a bad thing. And sure reframing and gratitude for what you do have is also good but again, taken to far you end up going the other way and having Nietzsche throwing rocks at you like he did the churches as that was basically their game.

Im also with you on trying for a more instrinic than extrinsic source of joy but again, being human there are limits - comparison is the inevitable downside of being a social creature.

I guess my approach is that all these approaches are like toxins/medicines - whether they are good or bad isnt inherent in them, but rather its a question of getting the dose right.

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