Friendship & Watch Collecting

A Timeless Pursuit of Connection

In the labyrinth of human existence, friendships serve as lanterns guiding our way through our darkest nights and celebrating alongside us on our brightest days. Studies suggest the absence of close companionship… the gnawing ache of loneliness… can be as detrimental to our health as smoking up to 15 cigarettes each day¹! This was an astonishing revelation, which underscored the profound impact of friendship on our well-being.

Yet, how do we measure the essence of friendship? How do we quantify its quality or measure its efficacy? Are online connections tantamount to heartfelt camaraderie? Besides, most people are hesitant to admit they have no friends, and oftentimes are simply in denial about this misfortune.

“As we approach middle age, we have found ourselves busy. Some people wake up and realize that they really need to rebuild their friendship connections… a lot of their social connections may revolve just around work, or just around other sorts of activities that their kids do.”

Dr. Marc Schulz, coauthor of The Good Life and associate director of the Harvard Study of Adult Development²

Back in 2021, Daniel Cox was involved in a survey which led to the popularisation of the term ‘friendship recession’ - a decline in individuals’ reporting of how many close friends they had, with men experiencing the steepest decline. Most of the online data references American studies, but the same is true in the UK too. One in eight (12%) Britons have just one person whom they consider to be a close friend. China is also experiencing a friendship recession, where young people have an average of 2.5 close friends, according to a survey by Chinese social app Soul. In fact, Sapien Labs’ Mental State Of The World In 2022 report discovered people’s social self had taken a huge hit after the pandemic - in other words, their ability to maintain meaningful friendships and connections had declined significantly, with younger people losing out the most.

As a matter of fact, The Atlantic’s Derek Thompson recently published a thought-provoking piece on the decline of “hanging out” in the US. Apparently more screen time and less in-person time to hang out, hasn’t been good for the kids. Q.E.D?

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ScrewDownCrown is a reader-supported guide to the world of watch collecting, behavioural psychology, & other first world problems.

As society evolves with rapid technological and economic changes, the importance of friendship often gets sidelined. Friendship is a human bond built on time, trust, and vulnerability; a haven of authentic connection in a world that's becoming more transactional and virtual by the day.

Friendships are like wildflowers, blossoming in various settings, molded by shared moments and unexpected meetings. From childhood play areas to busy offices, from mutual friends to chance meetings, such as those sparked by common interests like watch collecting, friendships shape the very fabric of our existence.

To make matters more complicated, most people cannot successfully manage having more than ~15 good friends, and even fewer close friends.

There are accordingly three kinds of friendship, corresponding in number to the three lovable qualities; since a reciprocal affection, known to either party, can be based on each of the three, and when men love each other, they wish each other well in respect of the quality which is the ground of their friendship³.

Aristotle

Aristotle distinguished between three kinds of friendship: virtue-based, pleasure-based and utility-based friendships. Each arises from what is valued in a friend: their good character, the pleasure of their company or their usefulness.

In the annals of time, Aristotle sang praises to friendship, deeming it the very essence of human bonds - a lush oasis in a desert of self-interest. Unlike mere transactions, friendships bloom in the rich soil of mutual respect, defying the calculus of profit and loss. As the olden institutions fade beneath the relentless march of time, the longing for genuine connections grows ever more poignant a lifeline amidst the tempestuous seas of change.

Yet… Modern life poses immense challenges to friendships. Moving around scatters the seeds of camaraderie, making it harder to maintain existing bonds, let alone form new ones. Parenthood reshapes social life, leaving little time for friendships at all. The demands of work consume our energy, leaving little for personal connections. Broken relationships continue to serve as reminders of how fragile friendship really is.

Have you ever stopped to consider who your friends are, and how you became friends? Now contrast that with how much time you spend with your friends, versus the time spent with co-workers at social events, or at dinner parties with your partner’s friends and their partners. To what extent are these people your actual friends as opposed to just being people in your life who you spend time with. The difference, I suppose, is quite subtle; But it is still extremely important to consider.

In the late 1970’s and early 80’s, Canadian psychologist Bruce K. Alexander and his colleagues conducted the Rat Park Experiment. This was a result of what began in the 1950’s and 60’s, when previous experiments on rats in isolation, seemed to suggest that rats would choose drug injections over food and water. These early results implied if drugs were made available to humans in the same way, it would lead to mass-addiction and create a social crisis.

Alexander thought about it differently, and wondered if he, personally, would also prefer a drug-induced coma if he was put in a cage all alone! So he conducted this Rat Park experiment to investigate the role of environmental factors in drug addiction.

In the experiment, Alexander and his team took over a large room, and in one corner they made wire mesh cages which would isolate the rats inside them. In the rest of the room. they constructed a large enclosure filled with toys, tunnels, food, and other rats for social interaction. This enclosure was 200 times the area of the cages. They then compared rat behaviour within this enriched environment to the standard laboratory cages. To be clear, this was like a holiday park:

Then they conducted several experiments, which you can read about here.

The key findings and outcomes of the Rat Park experiment were:

1. Addiction and environment: The rats in Rat Park, living in a stimulating and socially rich environment, showed significantly lower levels of drug consumption compared to the rats in standard laboratory cages. Even when offered highly addictive substances (like morphine), the rats in Rat Park consumed much less than the isolated rats in bare cages.

2. Social isolation and addiction: The rats in standard laboratory cages, which were isolated and lacked social interaction and environmental enrichment, showed much higher levels of drug consumption as well as addiction-like behaviors.

3. Conclusion: The Rat Park experiment suggested that addiction is not solely determined by the pharmacological effects of drugs but is strongly influenced by environmental and social factors. The study challenged the prevailing notion at the time that drug addiction was solely a result of chemical hooks in drugs.

The findings of the Rat Park experiment have had significant implications for understanding addiction and have influenced subsequent research and approaches to addiction treatment and prevention. It emphasised the importance of addressing environmental and social factors in combating addiction and highlighted the limitations of simplistic biomedical models of addiction.

In a previous post I discussed Dopamine and Watch Collecting, and delved into the nature of dopamine as an addictive drug which can be triggered by watch purchases. The link to Rat Park is subtle, but my view is that the absence of friendship in the context of watch collecting will exact a subtle yet profound toll on collectors, likely impacting our mental and even physical well-being. Loneliness blurs the line between sadness and solitude, and erodes our resilience. You can be surrounded by people in a room full of acquaintances, and still feel lonely. That fact, is lost on many people.

The 21st century brought with it seismic changes such as social media which led us down the path of more isolationist behaviours… the kind which steered us further away from environments in which we have been designed to thrive as human beings. We benefit from being engaged in meaningful and thoughtful discourse, from connecting deeply with others, and from sharing our genuine thoughts, fears and reflections without fear of judgement and repercussions - that’s what we can do among true friends… the question is, how often to we actually get to do this?

Still, I think hope does shine through what may seem like storm clouds I am describing. Friendship calls us to bridge the gaps of isolation with connections. In vulnerability, I think, lies the essence of friendship; a testament to human courage.

Watch Collecting: A Timeless Pursuit of Connection

This brings me to my point. In the world of watch collecting, timepieces serve as more than mere accessories - apart from being a portal to bygone eras, or guardians of stories untold, this hobby allows us to actively maintain and nurture friendships we would otherwise never be able to. Essentially, watch collecting transcends the boundaries of space and time, and helps to unite aficionados in a shared pursuit of beauty, craftsmanship and mutual respect.

Sure, you might be rolling your eyes and pointing at all the superficial one-upmanship you see on social media, but those who have experienced it are fully aware, this hobby has many levels to it.

At first, watch collecting was a solitary journey for me. Yet, as I soon discovered… beneath the surface lay a web of connections, spun from shared passions and camaraderie. Like friendships, watch collecting is an art of vulnerability a willingness to share stories, to step out of our comfort zones, and celebrate both triumphs and tribulations. I managed to find my people; The ones who share my values, and whose journey resonated with mine. These are people I can turn to for unfiltered and unbiased counsel, free from judgement. I built and maintained these friendships as a result of the hobby, and my life is richer because of them.

In the realm of watchmaking and watch collecting, Aristotle’s wisdom resonates profoundly with the enduring value of genuine connection. At the heart of Aristotle’s philosophy lies the concept of eudaimonia, often translated as “human flourishing” or “fulfillment.” He posited that genuine fulfillment stems from living a life of virtue and… you guessed it: cultivating meaningful relationships with others.

Still, the modern era isn’t entirely bad! It is because of modern technology, that watch collecting transcends borders and brings enthusiasts together across the globe. From online forums to social media communities, horology has created a global village, connected by craftsmanship and tradition, but ultimately bound by human connection.

In the crucible of friendship, watch collecting offers a sanctuary of connection - a refuge from the storms of solitude and uncertainty. Much like the intricate movements of a mechanical timepiece, friendships are forged in the fires of adversity, and tempered by the passage of time.

As the sands of time continue to shift, let us embrace the pursuit of connection in an ever-changing world. For it is in the threads of friendship and horology, that we weave a legacy of resilience and hope. As Friedrich Nietzsche once said, “Invisible threads are the strongest ties.”

This post gave rise to all sorts of ideas in my head, and have no doubt at least some of you will enjoy the mental gymnastics! Comments are always welcome!

Concluding thoughts

This post was triggered by a friend I have never met, but who I have been in contact with via social media since the pandemic. His name is Shelby, and he’s now an author, amongst other things; you might know him on Instagram as @the_journe_identity.

Shelby quit his job a year ago to write a book, and he shared a manuscript with me recently. We subsequently had a long conversation about it after I was done reading it, and the book really made me think through how much we undervalue friendship in the context of watch collecting.

The Holy Grail, typically depicted as a chalice, has held various meanings since the 12th century, from a sacred cup used at the Last Supper to a symbol of personal transformation. (ShutterLibrary/Shutterstock)

Holy Grails is a thrilling tale, and the protagonist is not only a stoic, but an avid watch collector! The book reads like a James Bond movie, and to a certain extent this was not surprising, given how Shelby is a massive Bond fan. What’s awesome about the book is how beautifully subtle the ‘watch collecting’ aspect is represented… it is absolutely a book by a collector, for other collectors; But this does not, in the slightest, make it boring for those who aren’t collectors. It’s the kind of book which you hope they turn into a movie, because some of the scenes feel like they deserve to viewed on a screen; graphic, emotional, and sometimes haunting.

None of the above is what I actually wanted to say about the book… the most awesome part about the book was how every aspect included a reference to Shelby’s friends in real life. Some characters even get to use their real names! What really shines through is how much watch collecting has serves to enrich Shelby’s life, along with those friends he mentions in the book. After the book brought this idea to the front of my mind, I couldn’t say nothing about it… so here we are! I hope you enjoyed it.

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1. Holt-Lunstad J, Robles TF, Sbarra DA. Advancing social connection as a public health priority in the United States. Am Psychol. 2017;72(6):517-530. - also referenced here.

2. The Harvard Study of Adult Development is an extraordinary scientific endeavor that began in 1938 and is still going strong (Waldinger is the fourth director, and Schulz its associate director). For over eight decades, the Harvard Study of Adult Development has tracked the same individuals and their families, asking thousands of questions and taking hundreds of measurements—from brain scans to blood work—with the goal of discovering what really makes for a good life. Through all the years of studying these lives, strong relationships stand out for their impact on physical health, mental health, and longevity. Waldinger and Schulz boil it down simply: “Good relationships keep us happier and healthier. Period.”

3. i.e., they wish each other to become more virtuous, pleasant, or useful as the case may be; so that there is a different species of will-wishing in each case.