No regrets
Why changing tastes should be embraced by watch collectors
What are your views on regret?
I was speaking to a dear friend who is pushing 80, and on his third marriage (his wife is on her second marriage). They found in one another, what he describes as his soulmate. I am a huge fan of befriending older people, because like anything in life, there is no substitute for actual experience.
On this notion of a soulmate, everyone will have a different take. For some, the concept of a soulmate is perhaps rooted in the belief that there is one person in the world who is somehow uniquely suited to be another’s perfect partner. For others, it’s a deeper connection that goes beyond romantic love.
The problem I have with this line of thinking, is people do not remain the same through time. I do not have any doubts about any friend and his wife being each other’s soulmates - having met them both, I would agree, but there is something particularly unique about their story which I will come to later.
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As a child, you’re constantly undergoing changes - changes occur so often and quickly, it is difficult to remember it all. One day you’re wearing diapers, then suddenly you aren’t. At some point you’re playing all day and napping, then suddenly you’re in a classroom with rules and lots of work to do. Then you’ve suddenly got a social circle, the associated admin, and you find people with shared interests. Who knew! This seems to take a lifetime when you’re experiencing it, but eventually you’re the oldest kid in the school - and then suddenly, you’re the youngest again.
Little do you know, this cycle repeats itself throughout your life.
You’re eventually the oldest in your school again, but then university starts and you’re back to the bottom of the food chain. You finally get a job, and you’re the newbie in the company, or the new grad on the grad scheme. But hey… eventually you’re a partner in the firm, or you’ve reached the C-suite somewhere, or started a business. Yet, being the high-flyer you are, you decide to join some club. Guess what, you’re the new person again! Start working out at the gym, you start off as unfit and weak. Over time this changes. This applies to everything in life.
As this cycle continues, you evolve as a person. It happens to some folks later than others, but becoming comfortable with yourself, and truly understanding what makes you tick, is an exercise many don’t prioritise, to their own detriment.
Between each of the aforementioned cycles of life - most people experience things which will significantly change their life, and shape their world views forever - and they don’t even realise it at the time. For some, it could be the loss of a parent, grandparent, or loved one. For others, it could be a particularly difficult break-up, or perhaps something much worse. These moments truly change you as a human. Your outlook on life and its realities strike a chord in you, which forever shift how you approach certain people or circumstances.
This might be different for the young kids today, but for most readers of this blog there was likely a period of “revelations” which took place between the ages of 14-30. These revelations were a mix of world views, slaps of reality, and insights into one’s own head. I am talking about the time you were moved to understand how the world works when you heard some speech from a guy named Nelson1 and later realised the gravity of what you had witnessed. Or the time you learned how actions have consequences, when you were late for an exam, and received a failing grade; or when you vandalised the school gym and got suspended for 3 weeks. It could even be a time you were betrayed by a friend or high school sweetheart… these moments cause a shift in your outlook on life, and affect how you behave from that day forward.
Everyone has these ‘seminal moments’ in their life which has lasting effects on them, whether they recall them or not. These will influence beliefs, behaviours, and sometimes the trajectory of that individual and even entire societies, as is the case with Mandela. These moments can serve as catalysts for change, spark innovation, progress, or even revolution. They can also just be more simple ‘aha’ moments which set waypoints for our brains, to be used in future decision-making.
By now, you might be wondering where I am going with this… bear with me, and realise I am painting a brief picture of how each of us became the person we are today. You, the person reading this post, are not the same person you were 10 years ago. Not only have you physically aged, mentally matured2, and taken in 10 more years of life experience, the world around you has changed too. You probably wore bellbottoms at some point, and maybe had some hairstyle which would seem daft today, but seemed absolutely epic at the time.
On a more personal level, you will have learned more about what you stand for and what you do not. You may tolerate people who are late, but not tolerate people who lie. Other might not care about people who tell little white lies, but are absolute hardliners when it comes to punctuality. In fact, your tolerance levels in general, will have changed over time. As a youngster, you would pick many battles and fight them all simultaneously. Today, you pick your battles carefully. Very few things, you have learned, are actually worth fighting for. You let things slide, you simply dissociate yourself subtly from people who annoy you, or don’t share your values. You are measured in your approach to external factors, and wise with regards to internal ones. In fact, to the extent you see this, you often encounter adults who don’t let things slide, or who do pick fights they shouldn’t; ad these adults are labelled accordingly. “Hothead”, “Immature”, or “What a character”.
I haven’t even covered watches yet, but you’ve seen it for yourself. As your budget grew, your awareness and taste for more expensive objects grew as well. From the appeal of the Casio calculator watch, to perhaps a Rolex, Patek Philippe or even Greubel Forsey on your wrist today. The value of the watch isn’t important; what matters is the aspirational nature of what the watch represented to a previous version of yourself. A younger, less informed, more naïve version if you.
What changed? You did, and so did the world around you.
For my friend and his soulmate, they have found one another in the twilight of their respective lives. I absolutely hope and pray they get to enjoy decades together. The reason I mention their story is unique is because of the timing. You see, they found one another at a stage in life when there is very little left to change. They know themselves as well as they ever will. They accept one another entirely, because who they were when they met one another, doesn’t tend to change over time. Contrast that with your own experiences and its easy to see why marriages are becoming less common and people are marrying later in life3. As we get older, we’re more likely to find our true selves, and the partners we choose after this point, seem more likely, on average, to stick around because they truly know what they were signing up for.
This brings me to watches; perhaps a slightly daft topic to draw parallels with - but hey, that’s what I do here! We set out to choose watches with firm convictions about what we like or don’t like. In fact, I have written many posts on the subject:
This post is unlike any of the others… this post is about accepting what the Greek philosopher Heraclites said: “Nothing is permanent except change.”
I clearly remember how much I valued a date on a watch. I was a Submariner-Date guy. Around 2020, this shifted. I started finding myself irritated with having to set things on a watch. This was reinforced with my Élégante, where I didn’t even have to set the time! I found myself gravitating towards simplicity over complexity.
That’s just me, and one of my examples. What I’d like to leave you with, is the idea that none of this stuff is constant. What you like today, may be a function of what society says is cool (trends), as well as what you seem to like right now. As you change, and as society changes around you, you may not like what you have, and that’s pretty normal. Don’t become attached to tokens of the past. When it is time to move a piece on, let it go willingly, especially if it unlocks another purchase which is more aligned with who you are today. The memory of that piece will live on, within the new piece you acquire.
No regrets.
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Mandela
Hopefully, somewhat!
Love this, you are on quite a roll!
The world is the mind. The mind is the world. Regrets are like carrying around extra weight. The weight will ultimately kill you. To let your thoughts do the driving is the slowest form of suicide. Great read Hermano! 👑👊🏾